Yes, I know the name of the blog is slightly suggestive. Everybody laughs when I tell them the name. And when I googled “give away girl” as a domain name it had already been taken by the hardcore porn people. (No biggie, but “wow!” there is A LOT going on out there …)
But what does”giving it away” mean when it comes to sex?
Well, I really don’t have any judgements or superior wisdom on that. Nor should anybody else. What you do with your life and your body is your own business. And I have seen a spectrum of choices both with clients and friends.
My friend Annie wanted to be a virgin when she married. She is a Christian and felt it was biblically the right thing to do. She stuck by her beliefs and waited to have sex until she got married at age 30.
In contrast, I knew a girl named Donna who loved having sex with a lot of different men. She was very comfortable with her body and her sexuality. Donna had sex whenever she wanted with men whom she found attractive. In fact, once I commented to her that she always seemed to hook up with good looking men. “Well,” she said with a very Amanda from Sex in the City felineness, “I only like gorgeous men. That’s just my thing.” She held no regrets on her choices and liked her life.
Using Sex Because of Low Self Esteem
What I dislike seeing among women is when they hurt themselves by having sex out of desperation and low self esteem. Theresa was a beautiful 24 year old who told me she slept with guys she met in bars. She said she did it because she felt so wanted and desired. She loved that feeling of being seduced. At the time of the seduction, he treated her well and seemed to care about her. Sadly, when she woke up the next day, he tended to drop all that seductive behavior and she was left with feelings like shame, regret, and humiliation.
Theresa was trying to use sex in order to meet important unmet emotional needs. She was severely neglected as a child and had addicts as parents. So for her, she had been desperate all her life to feel desired, treasured, and adored. However, this casual sex was perpetuating the neglect and objectification she had felt throughout her childhood. We worked on not “giving it away” and making better choices with how she filled those needs.
*Give Away Girl Takeaway: Do what you want with your sex life. Sex is a wonderful gift. However, when what you are doing is making you feel demeaned, used or otherwise feels bad; you might be trying to use sex as a temporary fix for bigger issues. Part of taking care of yourself is addressing your sexuality in healthy positive ways.