That’s right. In honor of David Letterman deciding to retire from The Late Show, we will be starting our own top 10 list on the Stop Giving It Away blog. Think of it as the behavioral health equivalent. To begin this, let’s look at the
#10 Make sure that you don’t take care of yourself.
- This way you can get really exhausted, feel bad, have a lower pain threshold and be unable to appreciate anything good going on in your life and in your intimate relationship.
#9 Take everything personally.
- If your partner is mad or frustrated at his or her job or just had a bad day, make sure you take their negative mood as an indication of their negative feelings about you. Don’t detach and assume there are other things going on in their life. Think that their bad reactions are your fault and act mad and wounded.
#8 Just hope that your partner will know what you need without saying a word.
- Do not tell them or be specific about what your needs are. After all, if they really loved you they’d totally just know, right?
#7 Do not under any circumstances check in with them on a weekly basis, ask how they are doing, feeling, or inquire as to what is going on in their life.
- No need to set time aside to stay present in the relationship. If it is meant to be, it will just work out. (While you are at it, become a workaholic or any other kind of -aholic.)
#6 If they share how they are feeling about something you are doing that they don’t like, make sure to be defensive.
- Feel ashamed, and instead of acknowledging this, point out their character defects.
#5 Do not put any effort into positive interactions.
- No compliments, special notes, no doing anything for them that is kind and certainly don’t tell them how much they mean to you, how much you appreciate them or how much respect or admiration you carry for them.
#4 Tell them what to do and how they should act with others.
- After all, you know best what they need in their life, right?
#3 Any time anything is good, expect something bad to happen.
- Always be waiting for the next shoe to drop. One foot out and one foot in at all times in this relationship. Just because you are expecting it not to work won’t have any impact on changing the outcome. Hope and positive thinking is for schmucks.
#2 Make sure if your partner tells you that they would really appreciate it if you do A, that you consistently do B and ignore doing A.
- Then get really mad when they don’t appreciate how how hard you are working on giving them B.
and the #1 way to ruin your relationship is ……
#1 If your partner shares with you how they are feeling about something: disagree with how they are feeling; counter those feelings with an argument; try to rationalize and problem solve them away from their feelings.
- After all, it is your way or the highway.
Got It Girl Takeaway: Healthy communication is not listed in here as a top 10. I would love to hear more ideas on things you can do to really create a terrible relationship. Sadly, I picked these from the most popular issues that I experience as a relationship expert. Aren’t they funny? And believe me, there are many, many, more.
Try to laugh a little and give yourself a kick in the b*&* if you are doing or have done any of these self-sabotaging behaviors. I know I have. However, it’s never too late to put the brakes on and choose a better option. If you have questions, or want advice, feel free to use the comment section and I will try to get back to ya’.