I really adore the movie And While We Were Here starring Kate Bosworth. It may be the gorgeous song at the end that helps seduce me ( I tend to get easily manipulated by a good, sad, love song). I promise you, you will cry when you hear it at the end of the movie.
I love the film for three reasons. One, it’s freezing here in Chicago, and watching a woman in flip flops enjoying the languid heat of Italy, going on boats with her hot lover and sipping espresso with all the time in the world, is enough to get me to buy a movie ticket, worth the $5 on Netflix. Two, I love the evolution of the main character.
From guilt and grief to laughter and joy
The main character starts out as a co-zombie in a loveless, disconnected marriage who hides a deep layer of guilt and grief. She evolves, though, into a laughing woman who courageously courts another man in her life, right in front of her uptight and unreachable spouse. That in itself isn’t pretty (of course I feel sorry for the guy). But watching her find out that her life still holds precious moments of laughter, love and human connection warms me to watch. My favorite scene is when she and this guy she meets run out of a restaurant and hide behind a car. I’m laughing just thinking about it.
Within the film is the idea that she is rescued and finds herself within the joy she feels with another man. We women like to do this. Oh, you don’t know what I am talking about?
You can’t picture yourself?
… wandering the streets of Italy, meeting a new man who happens to awaken the sexual being in you that only he gets to see and experience. You never want to leave that life of yours behind? And just go with your new lover onto a boat that slips along the river, whiling and smiling away the day.
I want tanned, young, skin with a lithe body stained with sweat! I want to roll on a bed of white linen in the afternoon and not worry about when I should get up or what I need to do next. And you? Not AT ALL?!!
I want the romance of the train, and the girl standing on the platform … starting out on a new path, with a love song stringing in the background … and years ahead of her … and a knowing smile.
This no longer “giving it away” evolution is beautiful to see
It’s something I have enjoyed watching as a therapist through most of my relationships with my clients.
Lastly, I like the movie because it reflects a reality of marriage and relationships. Things sometimes go bad, through no one’s direct fault. Circumstances change and it isn’t always possible to turn toward each other when these life blows happen. Our lives unfold and unfurl all kinds of pain, and sometimes a couple can withstand the heaviness of the load. Sometimes they can’t. Then it’s time to start again.