• #relationshipprobs

Focus on You Now

Sometimes doing nothing else for a while and working on yourself is a bold and active move. I like this saying: “Do valiantly, and hope confidently, and wait patiently.” (Carlyle) A good friend told me her husband was pissing her off. “I can’t stand him... read more

One Woman’s Turning Point With SD

Turning point: This pronounced pivot in life, at its best, steers you in a positive life-changing direction. Tina Collins took her mother to the doctor one day and noticed a psychiatrist’s office nearby. Her mom nudged her to go and see. Collins had already spent... read more

How to Handle Workplace Bullies

It’s Monday. You try to be grateful for the new week ahead, but your efforts don’t relieve the nausea you feel. #WorkProbs: Her scowling face is all you see as you drag your feet out of bed and firmly plant them on the floor. You replay, for the thousandth time, the... read more

Divorcing? Don’t Give It Away

January has been coined National Divorce Month. It’s when divorce filings surge. A divorce can take many months to work itself through, with lots of ordeals along the way. To help, we’ve gathered some tips to for how women can stay empowered during what can be a long road.

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Understanding Emotional Affairs

An emotional affair happens when two people develop powerful feelings for each other and develop an intimate relationship. However, the relationship isn’t consummated sexually. It is considered an “affair” because one or both parties are married or otherwise... read more

How Got It Girls Do Things Differently

Which kind of Girl are you: a Got It Girl or Giveaway Girl? Honestly, some days I am one, and other days I am the other. We have talked a lot about Giveaway Girls. Goodness knows we hear enough in life about what we are doing wrong and how we can’t measure up.... read more

Yes Girls and Passive Body Language

In my book, Stop Giving It Away, I devote a chapter to Giveaway Girls at work. I explain the culture of self-sacrifice and how women are socialized to give to a level of self-detriment. What does it mean to be a Giveaway Girl at work? Here are a couple of examples.... read more

The Way You Make Me Feel: It Was a Mistake

I made a mistake the other day. I’m sitting in the waiting room at the (new to us) dentist’s office and notice this battered magazine table in front of me.  At first I hesitate, but then I stick my feet comfortably on the coffee table, making a mental note that I am... read more

Closeness and Intimacy: Survey Questions

Enhance your relationship intimacy today. I stumbled upon an article in the New York Times that referenced a study showing exactly how to do it. Study participants were told to ask each other a list of questions. Asking and answering the questions generated positive... read more

What’s the New in Your New Year?

What’s the New you want to see this New Year? Sometimes people feel too afraid to make changes. It can seem be easier to hide behind a bad relationship, a bad job, or a bad lifestyle than it is to make new choices. In my forthcoming book, Stop Giving It Away (Spring... read more

I am PMSing! What PMS Really Stands For

“What? Are you having your period or something?” “She must be on the rag.” Hmmm… A 2005 Medical News Today article detailed the results of the Men’s Attitude of PMS survey – in which one finding was that 12% of men believe PMS is not real and that “it’s all in a... read more

Hot Yoga & The Need To Please

How many times have you done the “I don’t really like this? I want out,” but you feel like you can’t because of other people’s expectations, pressures, or because there are authority figures who say otherwise . When someone gives you a... read more

Toxic People, Respond Not React

Respond, not react. I think we all know how it feels to deal with toxic people. If you are inclined to self-reflect, you might even ask yourself, “Am I a toxic person?” When pushed beyond their coping abilities, people tend to engage in knee-jerk reaction behaviors.... read more

The NFL And Domestic Violence

I worked in a battered women’s shelter for several years early in my social work career. At one point, we had a woman hiding at the shelter whose husband had had a successful career in sports. He was so well known that the police were reluctant to help her. She... read more

I Hate My Husband and the Married-Go-Round

I had lunch with a friend recently. He explained that he was seriously struggling in his marriage. He thought he needed to get a divorce because he disliked his wife so much. He  said, “I really almost hate her, Cherilynn. There is no way this is normal.”... read more

Can You Sometimes Be Your Own Fun Killer?

Can you sometimes be your own fun killer? Do you ever sabotage your potential to be happy? Read these 10 common ways people can unknowingly do this. 1. Focus on the bitch. This is what I call the process whereby one is able to find the negative in any situation. And... read more

Cherilynn M. Veland, MSW, LCSW, has worked for more than 20 years as a psychotherapist, counselor and social worker. Cherilynn owns Solutions at Work, LLC, and for over a decade, maintained a thriving private practice known as Lincoln Park Counseling in Chicago, Illinois.

Stop Giving It Away is an important book, representing 20-plus years of counseling individuals, couples and families.

Is there a Giveaway Girl in you?

• Are you a people pleaser?
• Do you feel like others can manipulate you?
• Do you feel like you give more than you get in relationships?
• Do you feel guilty when setting boundaries?
• Does it feel like someone or something else is running your life?

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