Laughing about our insecurities and knowing that we are not alone goes a long way to healing. This blog is dedicated to cellulite, big thighs and how to keep away from people who “make” you feel insecure.
1. I love Anne Lamott. She is all about how to embrace your flaws, laugh at yourself, find your spiritual devotion, and get through this f*&#ing life thing! Grrr!
2. Huff post did an article today on Thighs. I am a thigh girl. If you are a thigh girl, high five me now.
3. In addition, I wrote a bit about my own thigh/butt insecurity in my upcoming book, Stop Giving It Away.
So, how did my thigh and butt insecurity find a place in my book?
Stop Giving It Away aims to shape “Giveaway” Girls into “Got It” Girls. In this case, where a Giveaway Girl (yours truly) would be overly focused on what she believes to be her flaws, to the point that she feels insecure or embarrassed, and then would deprive herself of going to the beach or swimming at the pool, a Got It Girl likes her body and ignores the cultural ideals suggesting she’s “less than.”
Hate a part of your body? (I did.) Just envision an accident where it’s destroyed. Wouldn’t you miss it? I tried that with my saddlebags, and it worked. I felt really sad for the little guys. I even missed them. It is a totally weird trick, but it works!
Once, when I was twenty-one, I dressed up and did my hair and went out to meet a good friend on a beautiful summer night at a lovely outdoor bar overlooking a bay in Washington, D.C. I was feeling very chic. It was dusk. The mood was ebullient and sexy, people sipping their drinks by the shore. I walked by a group of guys, and I saw one guy give me the up-and-down look that women in their 20s often get. I swooshed by him, but as I passed, I heard him say very loudly, “Cute face, ugly butt!”
I was the only girl near them, and I thought for sure I must have misheard. So I turned around and walked by again to see if I was imagining things—and again I heard, “Cute face, ugly butt!” I turned around and made eye contact. I knew the guy was trying to demean me and make me feel like crap, but even though I knew that, it worked. I allowed it to work because my behind was something that I didn’t like about myself.
Life can be like that: we’re feeling good about how we look, and then—wham!—something happens to turn those good feelings into bad ones.
I am older now, and my butt is bigger than it was when I was 21, but I like it better than I did then. I still wish I hadn’t given that jerk the power to hurt me. We can’t live up to others’ ideals when it comes to our bodies—and we shouldn’t have to try. That experience taught me a powerful lesson about self-care and giving other people the power to affect how I feel. We, not society, are the ones with the power to decide what beauty is for us.
Keep in mind, too, that anyone who watches what you eat, hints about your body imperfections, or even jokes about or teases you about things you are sensitive about—“friend” or stranger—is attempting to demean and control you. Cruel as that guy’s comments were, I am grateful for the heads up that he was a jerk, bad news. That kind of behavior will definitely interfere with your self-care, so when somebody does that to you, get the heck out of there. ”
- Like your body for what it gives you. After all, it gives you the ability to be and act in this world. Embrace imperfection.
- If you really believe that you have to change something, make sure you’re changing it for you and not for anyone else.
- No one can “make” you feel insecure unless you let them. However, it is a tall order to healthfully detach when someone is being mean. Keep those comments and people away from your precious self!
About the author: Cherilynn M. Veland, LCSW, MSW, is author of the forthcoming book Stop Giving It Away. She leads a new self-advocacy movement intended to help women reach out, speak up, and take action steps for what’s best for them. Please support this effort by liking the Facebook page and/or subscribing for updates on my blog. You can also connect on Twitter and Google Plus. “Help me out, sisters!”