Could you be codependent and not know it? Let’s see.
- Do you have a tendency to put others’ needs in front of yours?
- Have you ever gotten into relationships that are unhealthy?
- Are you sometimes too passive or too aggressive in your relationships?
- Do you find yourself caring too much about others’ opinions and judgements?
- Do you tend to overdo or work too hard?
- Do you either not have good enough boundaries or keep them so tight you can be rigid?
- Do you feel the need to control things or others?
- Do you enjoy being needed?
- Do you worry a lot?
- Do you ever get confused about what your needs are? and then find yourself frustrated with others?
- Are y0u good at knowing what people are doing wrong in their life?
- Ever say “yes” when you want to say “no”?
Definition of Codependency: Whenever you put others’ needs in front of your own and the results are self-destructive.
The definition of codependent behaviors has involved from it just being about a relationship with an addict or alcoholic. Now, we therapists recognize that codependency includes many self-destructive behaviors. Some of these behaviors are covered by a desire to help, please, or caretake others. Along with codependency comes lotsa’ control stuff too. In my work, I have seen multitudes of women walk around with depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and troubled relationships. Much of it is caused by codependent behavior.
- Sandra works really long hours at her job and tends to do the work of 2. She is a “yes” girl and people think she is so nice. However, her husband is a bit of a jerk and never cleans the house or does anything to help around the house. Sandra sighs heavily at the load of it all. She fantasizes a lot about driving away in her car and starting a new life.
- Julia isn’t so extreme in her codependency. She tends to work a normal amount and has a good partnership with her spouse. However, she never works out and eats terribly. Julia hates how she looks in her jeans but can’t seem to find the time or energy to do anything about it. And, she rarely goes out with her girlfriends anymore. She does a good job caretaking of job and her relationship with her spouse, but her own self care is lacking.
Give Away Girl Takeaway: If you answered yes to some of the twelve questions, you could be struggling with some codependent behaviors. Start opening your eyes to this dynamic and ask yourself how this is really working for you. The next few posts will be on codependency so stay tuned.
Please comment and tell me what issues you struggle with. You can use whatever name you want if you want to keep things private. I would love to hear from you!
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