The Book

“In this straight-talking, realistic, compassionate, and deeply wise book, Cherilynn Veland nails the reasons behind women’s habit of ‘giving it away’ and offers practical strategies for overcoming your own personal pull toward unhealthy self-sacrifice.” – Stephanie Golden, author of Slaying the Mermaid: Women and the Culture of Sacrifice


“Stop Giving It Away is a crucial read for women suffering from an all-too-common problem: they take care of everyone in their lives except themselves. This personal and detailed book will inspire you to take your life back.” – Dr. Andrea Bonoir, PhD, author of The Friendship Fix

“An insightful guide to navigating life’s complexities.” – Melody Beattie, best-selling author of Codependent No More and The Language of Letting Go

Stop Giving It Away is the product of 20+ years of social work and counseling individuals and couples. Get in touch with us. Subscribe and receive occasional updates from Cherilynn.

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What you’ll find in Stop Giving It Away

STORIES of women, their lives and how they “give it away” through Detrimental Caretaking

HOW TO prevent losing one’s self in personal and professional relationships

A TOOLKIT for analyzing behaviors, developing healthy relationship strategies, and setting boundaries

People don’t often know how to express what’s going wrong in relationships or at work. Each of us has a unique set of circumstances, too, and we can’t leave out the powerful psychological needs and motivations that drive our choices.

Stop Giving It Away teaches a skill set for self-advocacy that can help you break free from unnecessary pressure.


  1. I subscribed so I could read the first chapter but the confirmation link doesn’t work. “Stopgivingitawat…” maybe that typo is the problem.

  2. Why is it that there are so many women like the author and other great analysts and writers like her such as Brenee Brown who chose to study only women and who then come to think that only women can be victimized with things like this and many similar shame based life results similar to it? that is just way too convenient.

    • Hank,
      Hi there. I definitely don’t think it is only women who struggle with this at all. However, women are socialized differently than men and that makes a difference in life.
      If you read my book, I address this issue in there. You are right, though, alot of it is shame based issues.

      I don’t understand the “convenient” thing. Could you expound on that?
      Thanks for adding your opinion.

  3. Thank you so much, I love your book! I know it is going to help so many women take care of ourselves better and set healthier boundaries. This is something I always thought I was good at, but I realize often I was not. Reading your book made me realize how much the culture affects what I think I should be and do in my relationships with others. Following your suggestions is helping me see how I can make changes to treat myself and others better. Sarah

    • Thanks, Sarah. We appreciate your taking the time to write in. Glad it was useful.

  4. I really do “hate my husband”, of 20 yrs.! I can be sitting on the couch, saying that we have to talk. Our narriage is in serious trouble, and he will pick up the remote, and turn up the volume on tv! One night, in middle of night, I started vomiting. I woke him up, and said that something was wrong, I was very sick. He said to go drink some water! Next morning, I got up, could not stand up straight, and said take me to our doctor now. He did, the doc said, go to ER now. I had appendicitis, and have to have emergency surgery.!! If it had been one of his boys (twins) whom I adopted, he would have driven like a mad man that night to get them to hospital! I am so tiredf. I cant remember being happy. I am so depressed, and have no friends. I see no way out, but divorce. And that is scary, because I gave up my license to practice respiratory therapist a long time ago. God, I cant stand this! I am sooo angry. He has tyrned everyone against me, and criticizes me, all the time. I use to be happy, positive, energetic. Now I can find NOTHING to be happy about. God help me.


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