Have you been feeling resentful at all, lately? Annoyed at a friend? Ready to ask your co-worker to go outside so you can pull some hair?
What about your honey bunny? Want to scream when he enters the room? Then you have probably set yourself up for some resentment. How?
The Unconcious Deal
Interestingly, Give Away Girls have a tendency to have lots of unconscious “deals” that have been made up in their heads about the people around them, about what they are owed in exchange for certain things.
Most of the time, you may not even know you are doing this until you are mad or resentful.
Take Charlotte. She loves her boyfriend, Mark. He’s a great guy and loves going to baseball games. Charlotte goes with him and has a great attitude at the games. Charlotte talks to Mark’s friends, knocks back beers and never says a word that she’d love to have a romantic dinner date somewhere. She keeps their apartment tidy, endlessly picking up his dirty underwear and cooking dinner almost every night. Charlotte thinks that this has earned her a gold star in the girlfriend department. Then Mark decides to move on with another girl by summer’s end.
Uh oh … Charlotte goes beserk! Beside herself with anger, Charlotte can’t sleep. She easily falls to tears. She thought that if she was so great to him, he would appreciate her and want to have a long-term relationship, even better pop the question. Charlotte set herself up.
When you bend over backward for someone and go too far outside your comfort zone, you will become resentful.
Mark knew nothing about this “deal.” In fact, he would have appreciated knowing what she wanted and what she was feeling. Maybe he would have enjoyed a quiet night out.
On a smaller note, this might happen with a girlfriend who refuses to reciprocate carpool. “Are you kidding me? I had that brat of hers over three times last week, and she’s not going to offer a pick-up when she is already on her way there?!” Or, “My husband had the nerve to not plan an anniversary date after all the trouble I went to for his frickin’ birthday party last year?!” Or, ” I have been clipping my neighbor’s hedges for years now, and he can’t even take in my papers when I am out of town?!” There are lots of unconscious deals here that both parties haven’t agreed to.
Give Away Girl Takeaways
- Is there something you are doing for someone else that you are starting to feel resentful about?
- Put some thought into why you are doing it and where that is leading you.
- Being upfront with someone about your limits before you get annoyed is respectful for both parties.
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